Funny Mushrooms in Costa Rica

Say yes to adventure kept running through my mind. Yes. No. Yes. No. Maybe. We will see…

Probably not. Well, maybe. Nah. But, what if…

A tiny busted-up Suzuki Samurai pulled up to the house. It was missing a roof. Inside the little toy truck were two men. One was dark and hairy. The other bright and bald. 

Ilene had found these people through Emily, a love guru we met the day before in the jungle. She was normal. These two dudes, not so sure. 

The men got out of the jeep and walked up to the pool carrying a few instruments in a few instrument cases. We were staying at an Airbnb in MalpaÍs, Costa Rica. 

The hairy guy greeted me first. We hugged. He was shirtless and smelled a bit off. By a bit, I mean like a basket of body odor marinated in wet socks. The other dude had a tie-dye tank top, shorts, and an old beat-up trucker hat. 

Interesting. 

“Hello,” said the hairy, shirtless guy. He was the Shaman. He had the guru look…long dark hair, very little clothing, physically fit. If I had to guess, he was from India or Russia or Mars. 

“Hi,” I replied. 

Ilene had signed us up for a “Mushroom Ceremony”. Now, my history with psychedelics is littered with disasters.  Generally speaking, I become severely paranoid and my brain goes haywire. And by generally, I mean every single time. The worst experience of my life was when I overdosed on a marijuana edible at Coachella in California. The second worst was the one and only time I tried LSD. I had a heart attack when I did Ayahuasca. Good times.

I told Ilene earlier in the day that I was most definitely going to sit this one out.

“Sure, I’ll do it,” I said to the Shaman as his buddy laid out four yoga mats with those hippie blankets you see at the beach. Say yes to adventure, I thought. God help me. 

The Shaman, who said very little, set everything up on the deck next to the pool. He pulled out four sound bowls, a flute, another flute, a stick-looking instrument, and some metal thing that looked like a surgical tool. Dave, the other guy, smiled the entire time and spoke so softly you couldn’t understand him. He had a guitar and some gadget he would eventually use in his mouth. 

“Have you done mushrooms before?” the Shaman asked me with big eyes, no smile, and concern on his face. 

“Ish,” I replied as my chest started to tighten. 

He nodded. I have no idea what the nod meant. Dave smiled. He always smiled. 

There were four of us. Me, Ilene, Ashley, and Julie otherwise known as Juuuullleeessss when I have had some drinks. We took our positions on the yoga mats.

After a longwinded prayer that none of us could hear or understand, the Shaman crawled over to me and opened a small pouch of tinfoil with three huge mushrooms.

“Take them all?” I asked with eyes as wide as dinner plates. 

“If you want,” he replied. Great, thanks for the guidance. Say yes to adventure. I ate them all. 

He moved to the girls. They ate them all. 

I figured we were about to have an amazing experience or get robbed by a shirtless Shaman and his smiling buddy. 

The Shaman sat cross-legged in front of us. He started another prayer we couldn’t hear or understand as Dave sat smiling next to him. Dave was in a chair. No guru sitting for Dave. Just smiling. The Shaman started playing the crystal bowls. 

I believe that psychedelics are a useful tool to explore ourselves and spirituality. I was praying the next four hours would not be a complete disaster. I do not think mushrooms can kill you. Sure, anything can happen but I feel like the more we explore our minds, the better. Or maybe they can. Whatever.

God help us. 

Eventually I laid down and closed my eyes. Dave turned out to be one hell of a guitar player and sang softly the entire time. The Shaman moved to the flute. 

As the mushrooms were dissolving my brain, Dave started playing a song about monkeys being our teachers. I am pretty sure the song lasted three hours. At one point the Shaman shifted over to me and touched my face with the surgical tool-looking object. It felt like he was sending electricity directly into my skull. It. Was. Amazing.

The next how-ever-many hours was an epic tour of the universe. Overall, it was an amazing experience and I didn’t lose my mind! Trey 1, Mushrooms 0. Finally, a win. 

What the mushrooms taught me was about surrender. Letting go. Resistance is the killer when doing psychedelics or just about anything outside of lifting weights. The more we resist, the worse it gets. Only when we surrender can we find peace. Weird drugs are the perfect practice. 

After a few hours, the ceremony came to an end. The Shaman gathered up his stuff and they headed off to a surf camp to meet some buddies for coffee. I sat paralyzed on an outdoor couch staring into space…

The next day Ilene and I went to see the Shaman and Dave at their campsite. I decided to buy some more mushrooms for us since I was a pro now. I figured a blissful day on the beach with some mushrooms would be amazing.

Well, turns out it WAS NOT AMAZING….

To be continued….