I Can’t Believe This Guy

I made a huge mistake. Now I am terrified. Damn it.

I read a lot of books. Too many to be honest. I am one of those people who reads so many books, I remember nothing. Or, I only remember the last great thing I read. I have a theory about people that read a lot of books. Nerds.

This year I wrote a book. My first book. There is no reason on earth that I should be an author. I am a horrid speller of words and have no idea how to use this thing ‘;’. I failed English in high school and college. I very well could be dyslexic. I have never been tested.

However, life is about doing hard things. So, I wrote a book…about love. It comes out in less than three weeks. Writing and love; the two most complicated things in my life.

This is all fine and dandy except I just read Matthew McConaughey’s new book Greenlights. I wasn’t expecting much from the Texan actor. I was wrong. The fucking book is amazing. Not only is the book amazing, he is one hell of a writer. Is there anything he can’t do? The white Jamie Foxx. 

My book is about love. Part memoir, part interviews with freaks, and part travel stories. 

So is his. Well, not so much about love but a book full of unbelievable stories and the unique experiences of his wild life. A life we all would love to live.

So, now I am second guessing my book. Sure, I poured just about everything I got into it. It is the best I can do, which I am proud of but, damn it, McConaughey. It’s not even close to his.

It seems he has achieved every goal he has ever set and now is an amazing writer as well. God’s chosen one. The golden boy. WWMD? Play the bongos naked I guess.

I am thinking his book might take position in my top three books of all time. OF ALL TIME. That is insane. He is an actor. He has perfect hair and is always on the most beautiful people lists. Not fair. He will probably win a Pulitzer Prize for his book and a Grammy for his narration of it. He’s likely going to be one in the small EGOT club too. President of the United States? I would vote for him.

Writing a book is about bleeding. The torturous endeavor of creating one word after the other and trying to figure out if any of it makes sense. Exposing your soul to anyone who will take a read. Being vulnerable on a massive scale. Not easy for introvert dorks like me.

Life is about grand adventures. Whether that is swimming naked in the Amazon river like Matthew did or saying hello to a pretty girl like I try to do. It’s about writing the book. We need the rush, the terror, the growth, the failure, and success that adventure brings. 

Like love. The greatest adventure in the world. 

If you do anything this year, get his book. Specifically, listen to the audio version because, of course, he crushes it acting out all the stories perfectly. Then buy his book to highlight all the wisdom, bumper stickers, and prescriptions for life. Study it. Live it. It’s worth it.

If you have any money left, check out my book next month. 

Now, what’s your next adventure?

Trey 

Jamaica: Day 25

It is day 25. They are still driving me nuts. 

I drank two beers yesterday at 9 am. Red Stripe to be specific. It helped me edit the chapters of my upcoming book Love is Bananas. Buy one in December so I can buy more Red Stripe beer.  

My favorite thing about Jamaica is the patties. No, scratch that, is the sky. It is beautiful.  

The worst part of writing a book is writing a book. It is torture. Deciding whether a sentence, paragraph, or the entire concept is worth a shit scrambles my brain and flames the impostor syndrome. Hell, I can’t even spell. 

• How do you teach an adult how to have fun if they don’t know how? 

• What are goals? If you had to describe them to an alien, how would you explain goals? 

• Is it wrong to send nudes? 

Oh yeah, sorry, I got distracted. The mosquitos are driving me nuts. I spray my feet and ankles with Off spray every morning. I always wear long pants and a long sleeve shirt. They are inside the house, outside the house, and inside my dreams. Not a ton of them, just one or two. I watch them buzz around, landing on everything to determine if it is food. I am food. A year ago today I had Malaria. A fat bastard mosquito in Somalia gave it to me. The good news is I killed it. The bad news was that it was feasting on me for a half hour before I killed it. The malaria lasted for 10 days as I traveled through Angola, Djibouti, Sudan, South Sudan, and Libya. What a disaster. I should have taken the pills. Always take the pills. 

Living in Jamaica for the month has been interesting. There is a mandatory curfew at 8 pm across the island. They do not allow tourists to leave the all-inclusives. Jamaicans are struggling. The mosquitos are thriving.

“Don’t get caught on the streets at 8:01!” Andy said. Andy is Jamaican and has smoked weed since he was 9 years old. He is now 39 and hates Doritos. He is in shape and missing two front teeth. He taught me how to roast breadfruit. 

I am grateful there is no malaria in Jamaica. I am also grateful that these fat ass mosquitos are not carrying Zika virus, West Nile virus, Chikungunya virus, dengue, of malaria. I think.  

However, I found this on Google (Google is a website):

Here are 12 ways you can get an STI without having sex. 1. Mosquito bites. Zika — the mosquito-borne disease that impacts fetal brain development — has been shown to be sexually transmitted (making it the only known vector disease that can be transmitted sexually and via mosquitos).

As my friend text me this morning, I loathe mosquitos. 

I am excited to get back to Atlanta and launch into Quarter 4 of 2020, the year unlike any other year! Let’s figure it out. The next move. The next dream. The next adventure. Oh, and it is going to be fall season, which means cooler weather, haunted houses, and NO F*CKING MOSQUITOS! 

Let’s have some fun! 

If you are looking for something to do, jump in my 30 Day Adventure for October. It kicks ass, I promise. 

https://www.iamtrey.com/30dayadventure

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